Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Drained

I am emotionally drained on all levels and in all ways. Just drained. My kids have been relatively happy and well behaved which is good for them and for me!

Maybe that allows for a slow refilling of my emotional love tank. But I haven't had an opportunity to have a large deposit for awhile. I just don't have anything extra to give. Now, if you just wanted to hang out with me and have no expectations from me or needs from me, then I'd be the life of the couch party.

But live in my house and need me...even if you don't have expectations, then I'm struggling. I'm needed to get kids up and going, to love and support my husband with his long hard days. I'm needed to drive kids to school and get them when it's time. I'm needed to feed the family and to get the laundry done and to organize the house and keep it clean. I'm needed to walk my dog so she doesn't get fatter. If you spent some time in my house you'd see that I'm "needed" much more than I'm available.

Does every mom get like this occassionally? I think we do. We all get into ruts and as we try to get out of them, it starts to rain and then it gets muddy and then we just feel like sitting there until the rain stops so we don't have to exude more effort...mainly because we can't. Sometimes it's all we can do to just maintain.

I'm not sad, I'm not depressed, I'm not frustrated or angry. I'm just maintaining. I'm just having a hard time giving extra and I feel bad about that sometimes. If they are dressed and I remember their lunch then I am doing good...especially if I'm not yelling the last ten minutes before we are needing to leave the house! If Eric doesn't run out of underwear, I'm doing REALLY good...even if he has to dig through the basket to find it. If I have the slightest plan for dinner before everyone has melted down, I should be wearing a tiara.

It's just one of those weeks.

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