Friday, April 18, 2008

Knowing...

For the most part I am a laid back, easy going, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. I don't have a lot of opinions. I don't have to control the tv or the radio. I really don't care which restaurant we go to...I'll tell you what I don't like if that's the case, but I'm very flexible. I try to stay light-hearted and produce humor when needed.

For the most part this is good and this is why my friends and my husband like me...or part of the reason. I enjoy being like this too. However....it also gets me in trouble. When I don't have an opinion it means I don't know what I want. It means I don't like making decisions and would prefer people to make them for me. It also means I tend to step back and throw my hands up and say, "Never mind...if it's going to be a fight I don't want to do it." That's bad.

Today I have to go visit a school for my daughter that I don't like. I understand I don't have to send her here and that she doesn't have to be in kindergarten for another year and a half. She doesn't HAVE to be. The problem is they keep saying I have choices...but I don't. My daughter needs sign language right now. Sure, one day she probably will do fine without the saturation of communication...but right now...until we know what her hearing will do...and until she understands it...she really does need it...for the times she can't hear anything.

This is the only school that provides sign language. But why would Amber be the ONLY preschooler? Seriously!? SERIOUSLY!!!??? Where the hell are all the other kids? This isn't fair for my daughter to be BY HERSELF IN A CLASSROOM!!! HOW THE HELL CAN SHE LEARN TO BE SOCIAL AND TO BE ANYTHING IN A CLASS FROM 9:15 AM - 3:45 PM BY HERSELF?! Where are her peers?

So what if I don't put her in here this year....that's probably what will happen, she won't go right now. But this won't change. When she's ready to go in a year, then she will have missed a year of school....before kindergarten. Why will she miss a year? Because she'll make the cut-off for kindergarten and if I choose to wait a year they won't provide services...not that I would consider these services. And don't tell me to hold her back for a second year in kindergarten because kindergarten is not what it was 30 years ago. It's graded, it's homework, it's pass or fail, it's like 2nd grade was!!! It's not the same.

I need to learn to stand up and fight. To stomp and scream and say THIS IS NOT OK!!!
I need a stone....I need a stone in my pocket to remind me of the giant I am fighting and to remind me that I have THE BEST weapon. HE has gone before me already. He knows my path this afternoon, next week, next year, 2 years from now. HE knows how I will fight and the outcome. HE will equip me with what I need to fight. HE will hold me up when I am weary and bring people to fight with me. HE IS MY ROCK.

He is on MY SIDE!!

And Stacy...don't forget...this isn't a fight you are fighting for YOU. This is about the little girl who just crawled up in your lap and is laying on your chest. She doesn't have a voice. Speak loudly for HER!!!

3 comments:

JLF said...

Oh girl, I am so proud of you ... fight for her, with everything you have. They can't say that you don't get services ... if you wanted Amber to be in the school down the street with her sister, they HAVE to provide. Stand firm on your rock ... I know you can do this. I am here for anything you need.

Holly said...

yes, Fight.

may I gently suggest looking into the homeschool groups in your area? there might be some other little kids with signing needs and you could do the school part at home with her and the socializing part with them?
You may have already thought about that and if you are against homeschooling big time just ignore this comment ;-) - I am a beliver that it's not for everyone, I just had to mention it because it's close to my heart.

you are a strong mommy and will make the best decision...I know you and I know you will

Holly said...

beliver, believer - whatever ;-)